Building a relationship with your surrogate mother

Surrogacy in USA or in Canada is not always an easy journey and sometimes a few tips can make that journey a bit easier.

Surrogates want to help intended parents with the dream of a baby and are honored to keep a lifelong connection if possible.  Becoming a surrogate mother is a challenging journey and there are some things that you might consider when building your relationship with your surrogate in Canada or the United States. They are: trust, communication, appropriate boundaries and flexibility.

Trust: is the foundation of the relationship. This is not blind trust but surrogates want to feel that you trust them and that you know that your baby is in good hands.

Communications: being able to communicate with each other about your relationship and about the pregnancy will help your surrogate feel that you really care. Explore during the matching personality compatibility and establish clear communication expectations and needs of both parties. You may ask your surrogate how much and what kind of communication she wants. It is also important for you to be clear about how much communication you want. The best way to keep open lines of communication with your surrogate is to be interested in her and her life, not only about the pregnancy.

Boundaries: be careful not make promises that you cannot keep. Intended parents sometimes make the mistake of ‘falling in love at first sight’ and in the honeymoon phase you may reveal things or might things that you might regret so take it slow, be warm, authentic and set good boundaries.

Flexibility: Remember that the surrogate mother probably has a very full life outside of the surrogacy and although your journey to parenthood may be first and foremost on your mind, she also has to think about her kids, her partner, her job, etc and the surrogacy may not always be first in line for her attention. So, be flexible in your expectation of her.

relationship with surrogate

Be sure to do everything possible to keep your surrogate mother happy because at the end a happier surrogate can also mean a healthier pregnancy. Learn more about creating a relationship with your surrogate.

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Written by Stephen Ashe
I work daily to make surrogacy available to as many intended parents, surrogate mothers and egg donors around the world as possible.

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