Building a Healthy Relationship with Your Surrogate Mother

Surrogacy in the USA or in Canada is not always an easy journey and sometimes a few tips can make that journey easier.

Surrogates want to help intended parents with the dream of a baby and are honored to keep a lifelong connection if possible. Becoming a surrogate mother is a challenging journey and there are some things that you might consider when building your relationship with your surrogate in Canada or the United States.

There are some common tips for making sure you build a healthy relationship with your surrogate based on mutual respect. They are trust, communication, appropriate boundaries, and flexibility.

relationship with surrogate

Trust: This is the foundation of the relationship. This is not blind trust but surrogates want to feel that you trust them and that you know that your baby is in good hands.

Communications: Being able to communicate with each other about your relationship and about the pregnancy will help your surrogate feel that you really care. Explore this during the matching personality compatibility and establish clear communication expectations and needs of both parties. You may ask your surrogate how much and what kind of communication she wants. It is also important for you to be clear about how much communication you want. The best way to keep open lines of communication with your surrogate is to be interested in her and her life, not only about the pregnancy.

Boundaries: Be careful not to make promises that you cannot keep. Intended parents sometimes make the mistake of ‘falling in love at first sight’ and in the honeymoon phase, you may reveal things or say things that you might regret so take it slow, be warm, authentic and set good boundaries.

Flexibility: Remember that the surrogate mother probably has a very full life outside of the surrogacy and although your journey to parenthood may be first and foremost on your mind, she also has to think about her kids, her partner, her job, etc. and the surrogacy may not always be first in line for her attention. So, be flexible in your expectation of her.

No two surrogacy experiences are the same. You will find the right relationship that works for you and your surrogate mother.

But… why is it so important to create a good relationship with your surrogate mother? Your relationship has an incredible impact on:

The Baby: Babies who know about their birth story may have a stronger sense of self-identity, as they know their origins.

The pregnancy: During the pregnancy, intended parents and surrogate mothers will make decisions together that will impact her and the baby. It’s important to have an open dialogue based on trust.

The surrogate: Surrogate mothers who have successful experiences with their intended parents may either repeat and do a sibling journey or decide to help other intended parents.

The intended parents: A healthy relationship with your surrogate mother will facilitate communication and help her share her feelings.

The most important thing is that you both enjoy the surrogacy journey.

Surrogacy allows a person who was once a stranger to care for a baby during pregnancy and, after birth, amorously place the child into the arms of the intended parents. Regardless of how the relationship evolves after the delivery, there will always be a special bond between the surrogate mother and the intended parents.

Learn more about creating a relationship with your surrogate.

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Written by David
I work daily to make surrogacy available to as many intended parents, surrogate mothers and egg donors around the world as possible.

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