Finding a surrogate is one of the most critical decisions intended parents will make during their surrogacy journey. While some may opt for the support of an agency, others explore the option of finding a surrogate mother online.
How can I find a surrogate mother online? This is one of the first questions that arises when considering private surrogacy. However, before moving ahead, intended parents should learn as much as possible about the surrogacy process, including local surrogacy regulations. Once the intended parents have weighed all the variables, they can move on to the next step: finding their ideal match.
Why Consider Finding a Surrogate Online?
The digital age has changed how people connect, making it easier to find a surrogate without an agency. Here are some benefits of searching for a surrogate through online channels:
- Broader Pool of Candidates: Online platforms provide access to a larger pool of potential surrogates, increasing the chances of finding a match.
- Access to Information: websites offer comprehensive information about surrogates, making it easier for intended parents to assess compatibility.
- Privacy and Discretion: Online searches offer privacy, allowing individuals or couples to explore their options discreetly.
Where to Find an Independent Surrogate?
There are several ways to find a surrogate on your own. However, before you embark on your search, you should keep two things in mind.
- Suitable Surrogates: Some women who want to become surrogates won’t meet the surrogate requirements.
- Agency Preference: Not every potential surrogate will want to pursue surrogacy without the support of an agency
As with other aspects, you must weigh the pros and cons of the different matching options. Speaking of which, these are the most used:
- Classified portals: In these portals, intended parents typically create “surrogate mother wanted” or “private surrogate wanted” ads. These ads detail the kind of surrogate they are looking for, including information such as location, age, type of surrogate (traditional or gestational), compensation, etc.
- Social media groups: Many matching groups on social networks like Facebook exist. These groups allow intended parents to create an introductory post for their members. Support groups are also an excellent place to find information. You will find people in different stages of the process who can share their experiences and offer advice.
- Online Communities: These are great for intended parents and gestational carriers to connect. Usually, they have surrogacy blogs that contain updated information about the process. This information can be particularly helpful at the beginning of your journey.
- Surrogate Finder Websites: These are websites that connect intended parents and surrogates.
Importance of Working with Reputable Sources. While the Internet offers countless opportunities, it’s important to exercise caution and work with reputable sources that adhere to legal and ethical standards.
Considerations When Looking for an Independent Surrogate Mother
There is no official regulation about who can and cannot become a surrogate mother, but there are common recommendations to consider:
- The surrogate mother should be at least 21 years old.
- She has given birth to a healthy child at least once.
- She must undergo a thorough medical exam to ensure she can carry a baby full term. She must also get tested for various sexually transmitted diseases, including but not limited to HIV, hepatitis B and C, syphilis, chlamydia, and Gonorrhea.
- A mental health professional will carry out a psychological screening to determine if there will or will not be problems giving up the baby after birth.
- She understands the responsibilities (like prenatal care, giving the baby up after birth, etc.) and the need to sign a private surrogacy contract (also in independent surrogacy).
Choosing a Surrogate Mother Online
Selecting the right surrogate is a crucial decision in the surrogacy journey. Consider these factors:
- Compatibility: Ensure that you and your surrogate are compatible
- Medical History: Assess the surrogate’s medical history to ensure she is healthy.
- Personal Preferences: Consider factors like the surrogate’s location and her level of involvement during the pregnancy.
- Open and honest communication is essential to building a solid relationship with your surrogate. Establishing a rapport based on trust and respect is key to a successful journey.
Questions to Ask Your Surrogate
In independent surrogacy, you will have to take care of the prescreening of your surrogate. Asking the right questions is vital to make the best decision. To make sure you remember all important points, you need to prepare a list of questions to ask in advance.
The big four questions that you should always ask are:
- How many embryos are you willing to transfer?
- How do you feel about selective reduction and abortion?
- Where would you want to deliver the baby (hospital, home, midwifery)?
- What kind of communication should we maintain before, during, and after birth?
You can find 25 more prescreening questions in the video below.
Keep the list with these questions close to you, and ask them periodically in your first few conversations. Being able to chat casually makes it a lot easier for the surrogate mother to open up and not give generic/easy answers.
Pros and Cons of Looking for Surrogate Mothers Online
It is quite possible to find free surrogate mothers online – many people do. Nevertheless, there are challenges and risks associated with the process. Before making a decision, it’s essential to consider the following factors.
Extended Geographic Reach: The Internet significantly increases the number of potential candidates. Also, it increases the geographic scope of the surrogate search. This may be especially helpful for parents who live in a region where surrogacy is banned.
Economic Savings: Online searches also offer an essential financial benefit: the prospective parents save on matching fees generally charged by agencies.
Financial Motivations: Some candidates may be more interested in money than altruism. They may charge higher fees because they know the intended parents don’t have to pay agency fees. Of course, this is not always the case, but it’s something to consider.
Lack of Prescreening: Independent surrogates are not prescreened. Some of them may be found ineligible for surrogacy once they complete the medical and psychological screening.
Self-Management: You will need to manage the different steps of the process. It can be a daunting task. However, some intended parents rather have control over the various phases of the process.
Frequently Asked Questions
Let’s answer a few commonly asked questions surrounding affordable surrogacy and finding a surrogate for free.
Does independent surrogacy keep costs down for intended parents?
Surrogacy is a costly process. However, looking for a gestational carrier can make the process more affordable because you won’t have to pay surrogacy agency fees. You must learn about the cost of surrogacy without agency.
Can private surrogates choose how much they are paid?
Going independent gives you some freedom when setting your own compensation fees. However, you will likely have to negotiate these fees with the potential surrogate without an intermediary.
Where can I find a free surrogate mother?
Truthfully, it is rare to find women interested in complete altruistic surrogacy. Women who choose this type of surrogacy usually know the prospective parents on a personal level (they might be siblings or close friends) and decide to become surrogates for them.
What is the cheapest way to find a surrogate?
If you want to find a free surrogate, consider looking at your network for a friend or relative willing to help you achieve your dreams of parenthood. Otherwise, you’ll have a tough time finding a surrogate for free.
When you embark on an independent surrogacy, it’s essential to understand the surrogacy process thoroughly. Once you’ve weighed all the variables and are committed to an independent path, the next step is finding your perfect match.
While finding a surrogate mother online can be challenging, it is a viable option. A ton of information is available online (the Internet is an absolute gold mine). As you browse profiles and conduct research, be sure that you use your best judgment and take the time to find the perfect match.