How to Talk about Surrogacy

Choosing the path of surrogacy, whether as a prospective surrogate or intended parent, is a deeply personal and life-changing decision. It involves not only accepting this unique journey yourself but also sharing it with family and friends. 

Surrogacy can be an overwhelming word for some of your friends and relatives, and they may not understand it the way you do. So, when you feel ready to talk about it, one good approach is to educate them on surrogacy. You need to educate your family and friends on surrogacy and get them comfortable with the idea.

Talking about Surrogacy

Every friend/family network is different, so these pieces of advice might not apply. Still, some could be helpful for intended parents to strategize how to talk about surrogacy.

    • Website/Blog: Do a full disclosure to everyone simultaneously to preempt confusion, talking behind your backs, or uncomfortable questions. You can write a post in a blog about your journey. There are free platforms like WordPress, Blogger, Weebly, etc. Leave out any unnecessary details that you don’t want to share. Link this post to your announcement (i.e., on Facebook), which would be shorter and sweeter. If you are a heterosexual couple, you can be very clear in the announcement that your wife/spouse/partner is not pregnant and you are expecting through surrogacy. Then, link to the whole long story, including a FAQ, because many people need help understanding surrogacy. So, you lay out the basics.
    • Social Media: Also, you can make the announcement in different phases. In the beginning, you can tell people you are really close to, the ones you would want to be there if anything bad were to happen. Most likely, you will find that the more people you tell, the easier the journey is because you realize you are not alone. Try to be as open as possible about your journey. It is up to you when to share your story on Facebook or with a larger group of friends. To be on the safe side, you can wait until you are through the first trimester. It’s crucial, when you make the announcement that you make it clear that you are using a surrogate mother and tell enough of the story so that people don’t need to ask questions. Also, you can talk about your surrogate’s motivations for becoming a surrogate mother. It makes the process so much easier. You can attach to your announcement a photo where your surrogate is included.
    • Email/Newsletter: If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your story on Facebook, write a letter or email. Your family and close friends likely know about your journey, but at some point, you will need to explain to others, including potentially some who disagree. When you prepare your email, you can say what most birth announcements say: that you (and your husband/wife) are excited to welcome a baby, but due to medical issues, you are using a gestational carrier. You thank them for their support and welcome any questions they might have.

Three Key Tips to Remember

No matter how you choose to share your surrogacy journey, keep these three fundamental tips in mind:

    • Embrace Openness: Be as open as possible when you talk about surrogacy.
    • Stay True to Your Comfort Zone: Don’t say anything you don’t feel comfortable with.
    • Acknowledge Your Surrogate’s Role: Be proud of your surrogacy process and the incredible support of your surrogate mother. You can also also about your surrogate relationship.

You will probably be incredibly nervous about negative responses, but in general, after doing this kind of announcement, there is nothing but overwhelming support. Most people will be very supportive and (for sure, they have many questions about the process).

Wrapping Up

Sharing your surrogacy or egg donation journey with loved ones is an emotional process. By approaching it with care and transparency, you can help your family and friends understand and support your decision about surrogacy. 

Your surrogacy journey is a unique path to parenthood, and sharing it with those you care about can create a network of love and support that will be invaluable as you move forward. 

Remember that no two surrogacy experiences are the same, and your surrogacy journey is only yours. It is up to you to decide when, how, and with whom to share it.

Good luck on your surrogacy journey!

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Written by David
I work daily to make surrogacy available to as many intended parents, surrogate mothers and egg donors around the world as possible.

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