A Guide for Intended Parents in Surrogacy

Intended Parents embark on a thrilling journey when pursuing surrogacy that will last a year or more and have a lasting impact on their lives. Building a solid and trusting relationship with your surrogate mother is vital to a successful surrogacy journey.

This article will guide Intended Parents on matching with a surrogate and fostering a great relationship.

Finding a Surrogate Mother

  1. Be Open and Transparent: Honesty is the foundation of a robust surrogate relationship. Share openly about yourselves, your hobbies, and your relationship. Likewise, encourage your surrogate to do the same. Authenticity builds trust.
  2. Avoid ‘Why Choose Us’ Messages: During the matching process, steer clear of messages that pressure the surrogate into choosing you. Instead, focus on introductions and building a connection through genuine conversation.
  3. Stay Positive: Avoid negative comments about other Intended Parents, their background, or sexual orientation. Negativity can be a turn-off for many surrogates.
  4. Respect Her Decision Process: Refrain from pressuring the surrogate to make a quick decision or engage in frequent calls or Skype sessions. Give her the space and time to make an informed choice without feeling rushed or uncomfortable.
  5. Don’t Ask About Other Matches: It’s not advisable to inquire about how many Intended Parents she’s in contact with or to put undue pressure by claiming she’s your only hope. Let her choose you based on a genuine connection, not out of sympathy.
  6. Handle Rejections Gracefully: If a surrogate chooses someone else, refrain from making rude comments about her choice or accusing her of false hopes. Respect her decision and move forward positively.
    surrogate mother

After the Match

Becoming a surrogate mother is a precious gift, and showing your appreciation and support is essential. The key to success is:

    1. Trust Their Expertise: Your surrogate is doing something extraordinary for you. Trust her decisions concerning the pregnancy, and don’t try to control everything. She’s experienced and knows what’s best.
    2. Building a Strong Relationship: A strong relationship with your surrogate can significantly enhance your surrogacy journey. It’s not just about having a baby; it’s about creating a lasting and meaningful connection.

Surrogacy is about creating a family. Even if your relationship with the surrogate changes after the baby is born, there will always be a special connection between you and the person who helped make your dream of parenthood a reality.

intended parents


To all the intended parents beginning this unique adventure, remember to treat your surrogate with respect and kindness. She’s an essential part of helping you become parents.

A strong relationship with your surrogate is not just a means to an end. It’s an opportunity to connect with someone who is making your dreams come true. Show gratitude, share love, and relish this incredible journey together.

Nurturing a trusting surrogate relationship is a pivotal part of your surrogacy journey. It’s more than just having a baby; it’s about creating a profound connection with someone who is helping you build your family.

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Written by David
I work daily to make surrogacy available to as many intended parents, surrogate mothers and egg donors around the world as possible.

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